Reviewer (Believer Science Parody)

it-stinks

It’s time for another science parody! I’ve been hearing Imagine Dragons Believer and well, like so many songs I hear over and over again, I write some science lyrics for them. Despite the fantastic news that I did indeed get a grant, and a paper accepted in the same week (I could get used to weeks like this), these lyrics focus on the “dark side” of submitting grants. I hope you enjoy it. (Hopefully I’ll get some time to actually sing this one too!)

Reviewer (Believer Science Parody)

First things first
I’m real proud of the grant you just received
It fresh and it says all things I will achieve, oh ooh
The things I will achieve, oh ooh
Second thing second,
I got data that backs up all I said
But page limits stopped me writing all the things inside my head, oh ooh
All the things inside my head, oh ooh

As the ideas came to me
I held them tightly, don’t you flee
I spoke to my scribbles everywhere pleading out
What will work, can it work, will it work, make it work
Blood’s here in these aims
I felt the science in my veins
All these experiments from my brain
I put some down on the paper and then
(Pain)

You tore it up, you broke it down, reviewer, reviewer
(Pain)
You asked for things I said I’d do, reviewer, reviewer
(Pain)
You say it’s just an incremental gain
And the vagueness in your comments gives me
(Pain)
You tore it up, you broke it down, reviewer, reviewer

Third things third
I got the letters supporting what is here
Now trust, we got cred, so there’s nothing here to fear oh, ooh
There’s nothing here to fear oh, ooh

Get my significance up to par
Oh, my research it will go far
I can expand out of aim three
Trust in the vision I can bring
But they never did, triaged it, saying my research was
limited, done before, and overreaching
And the tears came
They rained down, like
(Pain)

You tore it up, you broke it down, reviewer, reviewer
(Pain)
You asked for things I said I’d do, reviewer, reviewer
(Pain)
You say it’s just an incremental gain
And the vagueness in your comments gives me
(Pain)
You tore it up, you broke it down, reviewer, reviewer

Last things last
Me and spellcheck we had a little fight
I had to make sure all the acronyms were right, oh ooh
The acronyms were right, oh ooh
But they never did, triaged it, saying my research was
limited, done before, and overreaching
And the tears came
They rained down, like
(Pain)

You tore it up, you broke it down, reviewer, reviewer
(Pain)
You asked for things I said I’d do, reviewer, reviewer
(Pain)
You say it’s just an incremental gain
And the vagueness in your comments gives me
(Pain)
You tore it up, you broke it down, reviewer, reviewer

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One response to “Reviewer (Believer Science Parody)

  1. I kept copies of the worst negative reviews I got over the years. I used them as inspiration for writing reviews of proposals I wanted to trash.

    But the ace was a proposal to do “research” that had already been done and published. I just gave them a reference list and asked why they had not read the literature.

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